The male mind and the circles it creates.

**WARNING: I will be using the word chick, women, girl, ladies ect. to rant, I know the issue is not limited to women alone. As I wind down my rant, I change my gender type to include both men and women.**

I am beyond annoyed, I was going to do a nice mellow post on a dress I made... Then sadly, this morning on my facebook feed I see this comment:

Can I just say the amount of fail on this is EPIC (and I hate to use that word)!

I couldn't help but respond to the stupidity. Because really... wow. 

The thought (or lack of) that went in to publicly making a comment like that is beyond fucking stupid.

This is the normative male mind at work.. and it makes me cringe.

Yeah I get fat chicks aren't everyone's cup of tea; but really to basically shame any man or woman who does indeed like the the bigger girls, is just as fucked up as basically implying fat chicks don't deserve a persons: respect, admiration, love and consideration.

To the men and women who like the: curvy, fluffy, chunky, chubby, voluptuous, buxom, zaftig, and fat ladies (whether you admit it vocally or not) hell even if you just like women in general; You have more integrity, sincerity and balls Than any person who makes comments like this. Not just because you like women who might be bigger that what society deems acceptable; but because you don't need to chastise the other people around you for what they like.

EVERYONE deserves BASIC human respect. Why? you might be asking. It's very simple... because we are all stuck here together. We all at one point or another need the people around us for support; And if we want this little experience called life to be somewhat pleasant, it helps if we all have a small  bit of respect for one another.

The comment/quote above makes me question why F. (more over his companion who made the comment) has such a reaction to fat chicks and probably people in general.

What is it that makes us SOO unappealing?

What has a fat chick ever done to him to have him feel this way?

OR is it our general existence that is some how a bane to him?

Could it be a simple need to lash out at women in general? Perhaps, he has been turned down by women big and small, thus making him feel inferior?

Whatever the reason, he felt the need to quote the person in a public space, thus I am allowed to take away from it what I want.  

In the end I take away the knowledge that I have a complete fucktard on my facebook. 

And that while he didn't say it to me or about me specifically, I still identified with it. I am a 'fat chick' after all. I am also a great many things beyond that simple obvious label. 

The sad fact is, it takes a person to look past that immediate label of  'fat chick" to find out how great I really am. Maybe that is why the comment makes me so mad/sad, it reinforces my awareness of people who wont give me and all the other fat people, the time of day to find out who we are as simple people. This applies to everything from dating and friendship, to jobs and health care.

I don't hate you because you're thin. Don't hate me because I am fat.  (change the word 'hate' to: judge, criticize, comment, blame, harass, embarrass, remark, vilify, harm.. and the statement still works.)     
 
My rant started about the normative male mind, and brought me full circle to bring it to a place more about fat liberation and acceptance. I hope when you read this, you see how it applies to all people. Simple stupid comments, can create a shit storm of thoughts and powerful emotions. Take that power and do something with it. Don't let a persons close minded hate bring you down. Never let anyone take away who you are despite the labels you bare. And as corny as it sounds: remember you are loved, wanted, needed and accepted by me and more importantly you.

Kisses,
Raven

Multi- review

Okay so normally I don't review things I buy weather it is clothes or fabric but today I feel the need to gush. bear with me.


I've been running around for the past two weeks trying to finish getting ready for burning man. I've been sewing pants and a fur hooded vest (sans pattern) for my dude and trying to make a jacket for me.. And that brings me to my first review!


a Burda style pattern:   burda style magazine 02-2010 cropped wide lapel jacket
I really do like this jacket.  After an hour or so of cutting and taping the patter pieces (it's a print at home deal) I went on my merry way to make a up sized mock up...

sadly the pattern instructions blow goats.

Maybe I am just spoiled with american patterns having detailed instructions with drawings to show what the company means (much less showing and marking things like darts).. 

I also have a problem with their limited sizing on most of their patterns. I had to up size this one about 8 inches over all to fit me properly. I still haven't started the jacket due to not wanting to waste the cool hot pink fabric I bought for the coat (but I do have a somewhat complete muslin mock up..) I do not like being scared of a pattern! But this one gives me a splitting head ache. I even had to write to both Burda and the amazing Psycho Sue for help (Sue was the more helpful of the two; she rocks (literally), so not such a surprise that she would give better advise).

I'd also like to add that the whole burda website isn't super user friendly. So take what you want from that statement.

Due to pattern fail I've been scrambling for cool clothes to take with me. That brings us to Review #2:

 I found some very nice thing at wet seal in the juniors plus section online. I was happy that their prices weren't bad overall. 

I bought 2 obnoxious skirts and a soft bra type thingy. 

The very nifty teal, yellow and black zebra skirt fits me loosely at a 3x bit is comfortable at the same time so no complaint on sizing what so ever. It has good stretch and length to it despite looking uber short. Personally i'll be wearing cropped leggings under it so doesn't matter how short it is, but just saying. I also Dig the big waistband on it, as you can fold it if you want it to be smaller and it wont look weird.

Second skirt has all the charm of the zebra skirt, this pink leopard with its loose but comfortable fit, and again the large waistband is good for folding to sit lower. This has the added bonus of also being a longer skirt overall. It hits me right at my knee bend,but I am only 5 foot six inches.. However I don't see the length being an issue for those lucky enough to be taller than I am. The pink is a tad brighter in person, and in my case that was a plus!  

Lastly I bought a soft bra type thing.. I was unsure what top size to buy so I got a 2x, originally when I took it from the box I didn't think it would fit. It looked very small indeed. I was amazed by how much it stretched, and it ended up fitting me perfectly!  It has the extra bonus of having small molded cups inside so when I wear it you can't tell if i'm cold or not. woohoo! 

Normally I am weary of buying clothes from places I haven't shopped online before, and I haven't had a lot of luck with the slew of new places that say they carry a 3x, for it really only to be a size 18.. I was thrilled with wet seal and their sizing. The quality of the clothes for the price is darn good! I'm going to see how well they survive burning man, but that isn't normal everyday wear and tear.

And that my dears is my opinion!

till next time, i'll be chained to my sewing machine then off playing on the playa!

Kisses,

Raven

Angry and not going to be quiet about it.

So last night I had this interesting situation come up. It goes like this:

My guy's ex-girlfriend Jill* (they are still on good terms friendship wise) asked if I would mend some clothing for her, I said no problem. She is chronically late for everything. So when she called two days ago to say she was stopping by, it took her till last night to show up. 

I had made dinner for my guy and I per usual. Jill shows up later than expected (she called to say she would be here in 20 minutes) 2 hours later she shows up. Then asks to have some of our dinner since she is hungry, and me being the good host says 'yeah help your self'. 

We the proceed to my sewing room to fix her stuff. we chat while I sew about all manner of idle nothing. I finish her stuff in less than 15 minutes. 

She stays around for a while talking. Some how in the conversation we started talking about my sister, and how different her and I are. Jill then proceeds to ask if my sister and I look alike and I say "No; my sister looks like our mother. I look like our dad. It's scary how much I look like him" And no shit, she responds with 'guess you have to make the tranny look work for you.' she then laughs. I was floored by her crass comment, to the point I didn't even know what to say to her. Not more than a minute after that she left. (I'm going to say right now I have lots of love and respect for the trans population. there are some very attractive transgender folk out there. However she didn't mean the comment in a positive way)

The rest of the evening I was in a foul mood trying to deal with her comment. I didn't sleep well and was beyond angry at her. In my head I keep doing the math: come in to my home + ask for a favor of me + eat the meal I prepared + then say something that fucked up to me?!? = What the fuck!!

I broke it down further; I don't like the shred of femininity I have and hold near and dear to be stripped away from me. Much less by someone like Jill. 

Long ago I came to terms with that I am not a very attractive girl. I'm not butt fucking ugly but i'm not exactly a looker either. I'm perfectly happy to be not so pretty, 'cause I have an awesome personality. 

But to have someone, another woman to boot, say something like that to me.. pissed me off beyond all reason. My guy doesn't get why I am so angry, this too annoys the crap out of me. I did try to explain it but he still doesn't get it, oh well he is male I don't expect him to feel my pain.

Maybe I'm over reacting. Maybe I am holding on to too many rude comments from the past. I don't know if this feeling of rage is justified. I know last night I would have done all manner of mean and nasty thing to express my anger and hurt. Today I still would like too still, but I don't know if I am just being overly sensitive. 

I  suppose the end of this is, I really don't like other women. I hate the shitty comments, the catty attitude, the whole girls are evil bitches. all of them are bat shit crazy. Personally I want no part of it. there is no sisterly bond with other women, no camaraderie, no understanding or tact. Women are rude fucking hypocrites. And that is a combination I have a hard time dealing with. 

(yes, this is a sweeping generalization and I am sure there are plenty of perfectly nice people out there that happen to be female, but i'm talking about the female population from a jaded, cynical stand point. Why? because i'm angry and hurt by all the females i have interacted with, that have disappointed me on a basic human decency level. Yes, men piss me off just as much but for different reasons. men interact on a completely different system than women. and until i see men doing the petty back bitting catty shit, that i see most women do, i think i'll stick to being with the boys.)

Bottom line all people need to learn some damn manners, and think before they speak.

Angry & pissed off,

Raven 

sewing freak!

Aloha!
I've yet again been in a mental lock up, due to tons of moving drama the last 4 weekends in a row.
Now that all that bullshit is over I'm back to my normal plucky self.

I was dog sitting for my parents. I love my dogs so it was a nice visit with my furry siblings. nothing makes me feel better than getting to lay around the house with my two girls.
Kai our smaller mutt dog (although not a small dog by any stretch of the imagination), likes to cuddle up on the couch with me while I read, and she acutely watches TV if it's on. Annie our giant newfoundland is happy just being in the same room on the floor near by, she is a cuddle drool monster. I love her, and lucky for me she had a bath before I came over so she didn't smell like dirty pond water for once. all and all was a good break from my normal routine.

I stayed a day longer than planned so I could go with my other sister (non furry variety) to her tattoo appointment.  She chose to see my tattoo artist this time, and since I consider my tattoo artist a very good friend I'm always willing to go hang out and chat with him. Added bonus of seeing my older sister writhe around in pain for a few hours (i see it as karma for all the years she did mean things to me growing up).


Now that I'm back home I have a pile of sewing projects to work on. My friends cousin came over with a suit jacket that needed to be tailored. So I fit him yesterday and started the markings and taking out the seams. I got distracted by a pitcher of margaritas so i'll be finishing that up today.
My guys ex called me with some stuff she needs mended. So I will have a bag off stuff to do small fixes to as well.
To top off the sewing mess I remembered that I have a dress I never got around to finishing, so that is on the agenda as well. I need to find green seam binding. and a fun contrasting fabric to make it look all spiffy.
Lastly on a trip to the fabric store my guy and i found some super soft tiger fabric, he wants a hoodie with ears for burning man. I have a coupon so I guess i'll go get that asap.

I have a new vintage pattern I want to give a whirl as well. looks like my spiffy sewing machine (thanks mom!) is going to get a work out over the next few days.

A crafty bitches work is never done!

Raven

vintage dress jackpot!

Yesterday started off with a huge bang! I got a bunch of the vintage dresses I ordered in my fit on vintage weakness two weeks ago. Yes the arrived safe and sound on the door step much to my pleasure.
 I haven't had the chance to get photos of me in them yet so you will have to suffer through photos of them on hangers!

This is navy blue and awesome! Look at the red piping and adorable red buttons! Talk about your hem pattern love. I can't believe this still had tags on it. seriously! Super added bonus: it has pockets! I love any dress with pockets. Oh and the straps are adjustable, how special is that!

This is a hand made dress, in purple gingham. I spent two hours yesterday hand bleaching this vintage house dress back to its normal intended color. If your a vintage clothing person you may know how some people didn't care for their clothes as much as others. this one was dingy yellow on top due to wear. after a round of washing I then took Q-tips dipped in bleach to the damp fabric. The dress came back to life!

Did you catch the cream pleat lines on this baby?  what about the cute button accents on the shoulder? This is a black crape dream! Light weight but all classy. I really like the way the dress hangs on me too! stunning. has a 40's feel to it.

Ahh the classic wrap dress.
If you don't own one, you darn well should! Go get one now!

This lovely has a neat white pattern on it that reminds me of dandelions. Again a nice light summer weight dress.
I'm going to need to alter the collar and facing since they don't want to stay where they belong. Other than that this dress is mint.

Copper colored heaven!
I dig this dress on so many levels. Nice fabric, and the neck accent is so different.  My guy says the color is great on me that I don't look so pale (if that is even possible).
Comes to a nice tea length on me, but I'm short so not too difficult.

I call this the lil green house dress.
Hand made. Button front with pockets, what more could I ask for. Sadly this one needs some mending. and it doesn't fit my chest properly. So I'm going to fix it up and figure out what to do with it later.












Well thats just a few of the dresses I bought. More still haven't showed up yet, but once they do i'll be sure to show them off too. Of the batch of dresses I just got, I love the navy blue floral one best! I know I will be wearing that one a whole lot from now on.


Kisses!
Raven

In the news

Yesterday Blogger was down so I didn't get a chance to write about two "fat in the news" articles I read.


Article one was about how Chelsea Handler is fat bashing Kirstie Alley. It got my dander up, aren't we all adults? Must we be mean and petty and pick on one another? Is it really necessary to use her weight as the target when there are other things to say something about. *cough* scientology *cough *
I'm curious why Chelsea Handler feels Kirstie is a threat to her, enough so that she needs to make jabs at Kirstie? I get that as women we are catty and fucked up to one another on the age old basis of: other women = competition, but really this is stupid. 
I remember a few years ago cosmo or glamor magazine wrote some nasty tid bit about Kirstie Alley and her weight; in return I sent them and email scolding them for being play ground bullies vs. a fashion magazine for the brain dead masses. That aside I think it just goes to show how far the whole "size issue" really is the last form of acceptable discrimination. It's not just in everyday privet life, but in the mass media as well. Yes make a fat joke get a laugh, har har, GROW UP!


Second Story is the same thing only less celebrities (sort of), This is about yet another miss step by Southwest Airlines kicking someone fat off a flight, and publicly humiliating them to boot.. Tiggeman T.F.T.F. southwest. When will this airline do the right thing and teach their gate staff not to be total dicks?! This poor woman and her mother were made to feel less than human. It is beyond wrong what southwest did, and how they handled the situation makes me want to puke.
The Article sites Director Kevin Smith's similar issue that happened last year (there is your celebrity connection) Who coined the phrase 'Tf Tf' in his later Smod cast on the issue. You would think that after all the negative press southwest keeps getting over this, they would learn that the media eats these stories up. Being that I travel a whole lot I am always scared that I too will get kicked off a flight for my chubby butt. I am lucky though most of the time it has never been an issue. 


However once when I was flying to L.A. I had a man sitting next to me whom treated me like I had the plague due to my size (odd as I was only about a size 20 back when this happened). I had taken my assigned seat, put my head phones on but didn't have my CD player on yet, had my book open on my lap and was starting to read; this man walks up looks at me makes an exasperated sigh then sits down to let other passengers by to take their seats.(Now i fit perfectly in my seat no problem with room to spare) I'm going to guess he figured I had music playing and couldn't hear him, because soon as a flight attendant walked near us he flagged her down and asked to be reseated, "I don't want to sit next to someone who might encroach on my space, can you find me a different seat?" The flight attendant glanced at me, shrugged he shoulders and said that they were about to push back so he would have to wait. He seemed flustered but nodded at her. After a few moments the last of the passengers were on the plane, the captain came over the speaker system saying because the flight wasn't very full that we had a weight balance issue, so if people would like to find other seats further back in the plane please do so now to we can take off with better weight distribution. I have never seen anyone get up and move away from me so fast in my life! The man for up and almost sprinted away from me. Clearly this had a lasting impression, lucky for me I'm not sure many people over heard the conversation. Despite that it hurt me anyway.


All I can say to both of these stories is if you a bigger person: Do not let others police your body. Do not simply let people think it is okay to treat you badly based on nothing more than your size. Bullies come in all shapes, sizes and ages. Being big does not mean you don't have the same rights as everyone else! Stand up for your self and your dignity when faced with bad treatment, no matter the situation. And if all else fails talk about it with the right people, and you can show the world what assholes the people who treat you like crap really are.


Fight!!
Raven

It's an addiction I swear!

Oh I have been a naughty naughty girl! I just went on a vintage dress buying binge.

I know, so horrible of me. I've been trying to keep to just buying vintage patterns and making my own dresses.. but with yesterdays epic fail on the transfer paper front, I needed to do something to distract me. And I freely admit I was weak and went to the internets to look at vintage patterns... and wouldn't you know it you search for vintage dress xxl and you get more than just patterns..

Yeah I found 3 dresses that I bought. I did however contain myself enough that I didn't buy the other 30 or so dresses I saw that were also drool worthy! So yay for the small victory. I also kept my spending under $80, a miracle all on its own. I'll also justify this relapse in vintage wear buying, by saying two of the dresses were hand made.

The internets is an evil place full of fabulous vintage clothing... I can't help myself. *hangs head in shame; but mostly to hide the smirk*

What did I do before google? I swear that search is the best/worst thing to happen to my vintage addiction.
On the good side I find new cool places to shop on a regular basis, this round I'm happy to say Hatfeathers vintage now rocks my socks. very cool site indeed, what with the fat girl love. Follow them on facebook to keep up to date with their wears!
secondly: old-clothes.com is on killer site! super fat girl love on the sizes, i'm gushing with all kinds of vintage warm fuzzies.
thirdly: that girl vintage boutique, again with they chub fashions ala vintage. and good prices too! My fall backs are always Ebay and Etsy. but it's nice finding smaller places who have good stuff.

You know you want to see the dresses once they get here don't lie!
Well i'm off to detox for a few hours away from the sway of vintage clothing.

Kisses!
Raven

Shopping and the feeling you don't belong.

This Sunday I braved a local mall to help a chick friend of mine find structure undergarments. In fat girl speak we were looking for the all popular spanx, the things you wear over your undies and under a dress to suck you in and look slimier.

My friend is between sizes (12-14) so we had the opportunity to go to a few normal size stores so she could look for things. While in a Jcpenny's intimate apparel department looking at different choices I noticed a whole rack of these suction garments labeled under the name "no fat shopping". I wish the camera on my phone worked so I could show you the tag.
I almost screamed in frustration at the stupid marketing that stores seem to have. Like these magical things will somehow constrict you body so far it will appear there is no fat on you. PLEASE! I was seriously offended.
I am all for wanting clothes to hang properly and look their best on me, but to go so far as what that tag said is just shameful.

Since we didn't find exactly what she was looking for at penny's we wandered back in to the mall. Naturally  torrid whom had the real brand of spanx. She found a pair that fit her and was happy with the way it looked under the dress she is wearing to a friends wedding.
While I do have issues with Torrid for their lack of style options, the bad quality of the clothes they offer at the  high prices they charge; I will say that the staff they hire is always very helpful and polite. In an age where customer service seems to be falling by the way side, it is refreshing to see one store doing right by its customers.

This brings me to my friends hunt for a bra.. She didn't realize she could have looked at torrid since they carry her size (38c), we went to Fredrick's of hollywood. Talk about rude service! They told her that they don't carry her size (cause magically 38C isn't a normal size?)  and would help her look through the racks to confirm this (she buys bras from the store normally so she knew they were full of crap). I did however look and found her several options. Nothing but lazy rude service all they way. At least she didn't get told she has to shop at their online store to purchase their goods, like I have been told in the past.

I find going to the mall to be exhausting mentally. I don't like the treatment I get in most stores, even if I'm just there with a friend. I know the sales people are trying to figure out how to tell me they don't carry my size (this really did happen in H&M; Was waiting for a friend to try clothes on, browsing the racks for more things for her. I had and employee come tell me that the arm full of things I had wouldn't fit me. Like no shit I don't wear a size large, they aren't for me! I really wanted to ask why they don't carry they BIB line that europe has; but then I remembered that this sales person is but a peon.)

As my friend and I left the mall she was telling me how she receives horrible service every time she goes to buy bras, no matter what store she goes into. She says she is getting a complex about her size; It wasn't helpful but I couldn't help but laugh, since I'm about 10 sizes bigger than her.

All I got to say is if your going to work retail, remember that the customer is who put money in your pay check. Don't discriminate against a person, because you don't think they belong in your store. Bottom line nicer you are to me the more likely I'll be spending money at your store. And you piss off one fat girl you piss off a lot of us. 'cause us fatties, yeah we all talk to one another.

Kisses!
Raven

Happy International No Diet Day!

Ahh yes lets all celebrate not buying in to the whole diet horror!

For those of my readers who might not ever been on a diet, lucky you! And now to the rest of us who have suffered through, bad food, hunger, and all the nasty yo yo weight fluctuations; a hearty WOO HOO!

I have a firm belief that diets are the worst things you can do to your body. Hunger is not the key to being healthy nor to loosing weight.

The diet industry is just that in industry, it is a faceless monster, money hungry before all else.. Sadly it's one that really kills people.
I don't know the exact numbers of people who have died to be thin but the numbers are too large for my comfort. The Idea of being able to not just restrict what you eat and exercise, but pop a pill and be loose weight is a lie. One that too many people rush off to do. A last ditch effort to conform to what society says you need to look like. Oh and not all of those magic pills haven't been tested to work or be safe.

Then there is the medical 'weight loss miracle' of lap band and gastric bypass. More lies and deaths. Now while These things do work for some people and have improved the quality of life for some; it isn't the cure it all for the mass overweight population. You might not see as much coverage of the people who have been failed by these things, but they are out there. Suffering more now than when they were simply just fat. Worse for wear after putting their bodies through a large medical procedure, and then the subsequent mental distress of not only a failed surgery but the way their medical professionals treat them. Told over and over again it must be something they are doing to make this procedure fail. Wrong on sooo many levels.

The Fact of the matter is not just the overweight are dying to be thin. There is a whole community of people who are already at a healthy weight who want to loose weight too. On the polar extreme of overweight you have people who believe its not enough to be 'skinny', these poor people believe that  being anorexic and bulimic are the answer. Huge communities of mostly young girls hating themselves and truly starving themselves to fit in and be smaller. Again the whole stigma of what it means to be fat scaring people in to starvation.

So today I celebrate not only not buying in to the whole diet lie, but how much I love my own body that I don't want or need these things to be a complete, or valuable person.

I'm gonna go sew a dress and be happy with who I am.

I vow never to let society tell me how I should look, that I am not worthy of things just because of my size, I refuse to let doctors treat me like an inferior person because they can't look past my BMI, I will not let men or women's judgements of me stop me from living and loving others, I will also look people in the eye when they bully me or others due to our size and tell them they are not only rude but closed minded bigots. But most of all I vow to never self hate.

Feel good about yourself and what you do with your body. don't let someone else tell you what is right for you, or how you need to be!

Love and kisses,
Raven

The Size Game

I was reading another blog that mentioned this article: fat guy privileges , And It got me thinking a bit about how men see women vs. how women see men. Now while I don't agree with the overall tone of the writers prospective, I have to say the bit about athletes and how they are seen by the public vs say an overweight woman got me a tad annoyed.

This isn't the first time I thought about this, all the way back in middle school I noticed how it was Ok for a guy to be bigger and the girls didn't seem to care; but if a girl was bigger we were kryptonite to the male population. It is interesting to look back and think on how many of my male friends got made fun of for just being friends with me back in high school. The comments from their other male friends (whom might not have known me) were never ending, some to the point I lost friends due to the pressures they felt just by being seen with me.

It all comes down to how the outside population sees people. Attraction is more than just a visual thing for women, we tend to want a guy we can relate to, have fun with, trust and feel safe with. Men on the the other hand a visual creatures they need to like the look of something before they move on to the other qualities they want in a mate. This of corse bring in the media and how the portray the feminine form, and what is an 'acceptable' form. Women have similar media thrown at us trying to skew our prospectives, however most women don't look at a guy trying to see if his BMI is in the acceptable range. We can like the muscular beef cake look just fine but we aren't so swayed by it that we ignore the regular guy as well.

Seems men tent to be less likely to have a doctor tell them that their weight is an issue. Women however if even slightly in the 'obese' section will hear a never ending lecture from our doctors. This could be because women see more types of doctors than men on a regular basis, thus all of them need to comment.

Not to say bigger men don't get their share of nasty comments in general. It just seems to be done in a different way. The men I have dated for the most part, have all been bigger guys height and size wise. All of them seem to be able to navigate the world both with greater ease and comfort in the public eye. The men I dated have all had a horror story or two from when they were growing up and being teased at school for their size, but most of that all ends after high school. I have rarely heard of similar treatment through college or beyond. If the male in question was involved in sports, regardless of his size comments were almost never negative in nature. Maybe it's also that men don't take stuff as personally as women do. Men are expected to have a better sense of humor about their size, wether they do or not is a case by case thing.

Women also don't exclude bigger guys from out dating pool the way men seem to want to reject a woman based on size alone. You only have to look on any dating site, and read through a man's preference of personal likes to see how many men state clearly that the don't want a bigger woman. It's an odd thing, since as far as I can tell few if any women put that same restriction out front so blatantly about the men we will interact with.

It is all a load of hooey. I personally have fragmented thoughts on how bigger guys are treated in the public  versus women; but that doesn't make the male struggle any less in my eyes. It is all an off shoot of the same discrimination that all fat people receive. The stereo type we are all given doesn't have a gender specific title. Sadly the rest of the population (including larger men) puts a higher negative value on big women.

Raven

A few of my favorite things.

Any Time I am down in the dumps, there are a few sure fire things that make me happy. Some are better for me than others, but really it all comes down to self medication. we all do it don't judge!

I have a weakness and almost unnatural love of coffee. From the way it smells while still in bean form, the different smell when it is steeping in hot water in my french press, to the amazing taste. Oh and the varieties of kinds and awesome local roasters here in the bay... I swoon!
And I'll freely admit I'm a coffee snob. I like mine brewed in a french press. I refuse to use a standard coffee pot with filters, they tend to strip all the tasty natural oils from the bean leaving it bitter and nasty tasting. I dislike "flavored coffee" that tastes of say french vanilla for example, its wrong not to taste they amazing coffee flavor. I tend to blend my coffee with fresh spices (clove, cinnamon, nutmeg), to give it that extra yummy taste. I enhance the taste; not try to disguise the coffees natural flavor. I want to taste the caffeine damn it! To properly serve my dark dreamy beverage of choice I take half & half with some brown sugar. Let me tell you any one who uses that flavored creamer shit is a fucking idiot, and they SHOULD be stopped.

second way to self medicate, I bake. And no I don't mean I get high (I'm not opposed to pot use, I just don't partake). I make cookies, cake/cupcakes, and now pies. more specifically I have two pies that I adore making. One being apple pie. now you might think apple pie.. isn't that like one of the essayist pies to make? Yes, anyone can make an apple pie, and no its not difficult. However there are some small things that can make or break an apple pie. Namely you need to know your audience, whom are you serving the pie to? do they like things more tart or do they like it more sweet? crunchy vs. more squishy.. All important factors in a good apple pie. And then there is the spice factor, you need to consider what time of year you are serving said pie. if its winter you want the spices to be darker, to make the pie have a more earthy taste much like hot cider. in spring and summer you want to have a more sweet crisp taste more butter than cinnamon. The type of apple you use also should be thought about, since all the types of apple can give you flavor and texture. try to mix it up.
Second pie I have learned to love making is a classic pecan pie. This pie is an amazing piece of work, not to mention a finicky bitch! Too hot of an oven will over cook it making it tough. If too cool and it wont gel properly when it cools, leaving you a runny yet tasty mess. Say nothing Of the dozens of recipes out there that have some interesting variations. Personally I soak the pecans in dark rum for up to a day before I add them to the top of the pie to bake. Then I add some of the rum to the pie filling. I find that even a small amount of rum adds a pleasant spice taste to the pie, without taking away or distracting from the other flavor. But again the pie it temperamental. I do Like that over the years people have learned to put a spin on the type of pie. There are honey pecan pies that don't use any kuro syrup. Also Pies that use maple syrup, brown sugar, dark brown sugar and a variety of small changes that truly make each pie taste slightly different. I personally never thought I would be a pecan pie fan, but here I am with one sitting in my fridge cooling.

Outside of the kitchen I really like to read. I devour books, as my family can attest to For a while before I started collecting my books used and on the cheep I had a $10 a bad book habit. I am a fast reader I can easily read a 500 page book in a day, Example: I read the entire Harry Potter series, all the books one after another in five days (I read two in one day). I don't always read easy fluff books either.
But I am very much a pleasure reader. I've had more best friends in books than in real life. My reading habit comes from not having a lot of friends, there is no other way to look at it. I read books to have company when I'm lonely, to cheer me up when I'm sad, and to escape to somewhere different when I need a break. I was lucky that my family read to me when I was little. Even now I like being read to, I buy audio books once and a while just to have that nice familiar experience of being read to aloud.
 I did have some trouble back when I was learning to read, so my Gram got me that horrible 'hooked on phonic' program, and while it was silly and ridiculous I have to admit it worked. Once I could read on my own I never looked back. Who needed movies, when there were far more books. My mind works like a movie anyway, when I read my brain will play a movie in my head for me. So I'm addicted to reading as well.

 And as we all know I like to shop. But specifically I get great pleasure out of bargain hunting. And thrift stores are my version of a good time. I like paying $2 for a dress. especially cause I can't even buy enough fabric to make a dress for me for that small sum of money. And really it is about the experience of finding something that another person passed on and giving it a new life.

Once my new bike seat gets here I have a feeling that is also going to be a new favorite activity.
I tend to be a big swimmer, especially when I'm angry. there is nothing like a miles worth of laps to make you calm down. I'm sure it had to do with the steady rhythm of movements and breathing that helps mellow me. I like the feeling of pulling myself through the water, my whole body working together. I sometimes forget how much I love to swim, until I get to a pool them it all comes back and I start to miss the water.

All of them seem to be symbolic of something about me, but i'm going to try not to over analyze myself on this. Anyway I have a BBQ to take my fabulous pecan pie to, you know you want some *wink*

Kisses
Raven

The seat dilemma.

For a few years now I have had a spiffy red "beach cruiser" bike. It's all  retro and awesome with coaster breaks. But when I got the bike, I was too short to ride it with out feeling like i'd fall over when I stopped.  Plus the saddle a.k.a. seat, was super uncomfortable. Then I got distracted and didn't think about my bike for a long time. It hung in my parents garage while I went zooming around in my jeep, and lived my life.

Plus I didn't feel like being a fat girl on a bike in public.. I was young and didn't love my body yet. I had horrific visions of being a bear on a bicycle, or my seat making my butt look funny and getting made fun of. I abandon the whole bike Idea for a long time. By chance one day I saw a larger lady out on her bike when I  was driving through San Francisco; I was taken with how happy she looked, and how amazing her legs were. Sadly I was still to uncomfortable to get on my own bike.

Then I got older and more happy with me and my weird body. I started to miss my bike. I really do miss the feeling of taking a nice relaxing ride, added bonus of it's faster than walking.
 For my birthday this April, when my sweet mom asked what i'd like for my birthday I responded " a new bike seat! A big squishy one, so I can ride and my butt wont hurt."  HAHAHA bad idea!
I did get a new seat and promptly had my dad put it on my bike and went for a test ride. I honestly still feel too short for the bike, but the real issue is the damn seat! talk about uncomfortable. I didn't even make it around the block before I decided the seat was wrong my my chunky butt.
I feel bad that I had to reject the seat my mom picked out, She told me she looked online to find it, her search was based on gel squish and size. Size wise the seat was good, however it just felt too darn stiff. If there was gel in that saddle it sure didn't do my butt any good, But I really want to ride my bike.

So now what am I to do? I ran off to the internets and googlesed it.. I remember some of my favorite bike seats over the years had little to no padding, and were leather. I took that info to the magic land of googles, low and behold I find the king of all leather bike saddle makers, Brooks. What beautiful saddles.. but OMG you want like $100 for a damn seat.. this thing better be worth it. I mulled over it for a while, did a crap load of research and comparisons between several of there pieces of leather fun.. and today I finally purchased it; a went with a B68S. lovely wide, and made for the ladies! which from what I can tell just means its shorter, since I too am short I should work nice.

It was interesting doing my bike research that it seems a lot of people have bike saddle issues, and in the same breath fat folks have a very difficult time with it. Bike companies make seats in all shapes and sizes now, but unless your a hard core bicycle person it is super hard to tell heads or tails of what kind of saddle you need. Prices have a crazy range in prices as well from $20 - $300.. And I thought buying vintage clothes were expensive!

I hope I have been lucky enough to find a good saddle for me. I have a feeling if this saddle is comfortable, it will be worth every penny. I can sense I will be doing a lot more outside bike adventures... now if I only didn't live on a hill.

Kisses!
Raven

I'm an addict

Hi my name is Raven, And I'm addicted to vintage clothes. 


Yesterday I mentioned that I'm a cheap bitch when it comes to buying clothes. I should clarify this statement, or put a foot note on it. "I am a cheap bitch when it comes to clothes; accept when it's vintage clothes".  I have a very large weak spot when it come to all things vintage. be it house wears, accessories,  my glasses frames, shoes, cars, music... but especially... dresses. *swoons*


There is just something about the vintage shape of clothing, it really does flatter the form of the curvy. And do you know why? I mentioned it in my fatshion rant; Structure! The way the clothes were cut, and then fit to a body were built in such a way that it accentuated that good parts, and ignores the parts you'd rather ignore. 


SO this being what every fat chick likes but can't find in todays clothing hell, I tend to shop.. and spend waaay to much money on vintage dresses. And really buying vintage stuff in the bigger sizes.. isn't cheap. worth it... but expensive as far as addictions go.


I have a small but amazing collection of dresses I adore! but I also go the extra mile and snap up vintage patterns to sew my own clothing. I'm lucky that my grandmother taught me to sew, and read patterns. she was an amazing seamstress. The woman looked like Sophia Loren back in the day. she was one hot bitch! (i'm willing to overlook her being the poster child for eating disorders, before such things even had a name... but I digress). My Gram knew how to rock a hand made dress and she lovingly helped fat little Raven over the years with making many a costume, and dress.





I have also learned a few tricks for the vintage look on a dime. Easy fix for something shapeless and down right ugly.. like this awful yellow house coat/dress/possible tent I own.. the thing is super shapeless but vintage,  has a metal zipper, has cute pockets! and I payed maybe $10 for it. I can see there is potential, just need to figure out what it needs, other than a to be burned for being so fugly. 


*Side note* The best look on a curvy frame unless you looked like Marilyn was, for late 40's through the early 60's was the shirt waist dress. simple classic clean look. structured top, and a nice full bottom. in a bevy of colors, patterns, sleeve styles, and embellishments. good for work and play!


Now how do I transform said sack of yellow tent into something that shows my curves like the dress mentioned above? And without getting out my sewing machine; since I want to be out the door in 5 minutes? Simple and easy, with every girls favorite accessory! A simple stretchy belt worn on the high waist almost at the under bust. < This simple fix for something that fits too big and has no shape will then create a shape by hugging the body at what should be its smallest point, drawing attention to the bust area then flowing out to the full bell of the dresses skirt. I call it the instant hourglass effect. 


For a more permeant fix I can simply dart the dress in a few key locations to give it the same structure and effect. The stretchy belt is a damn good fix all on its own. Especially for those of you who don't sew (like my sister, who wouldn't know how to turn the damn machine on to save her life).


So my addiction to vintage, is also a lesson on what fits your body. Even the illusion of structure in clothing makes frumpy look fantastic. I highly suggest everyone own at least one belt that can be used for such emergency measures. I also suggest that every curvy girl learn what flatters her body. find one really nice vintage thing, give it a loving home and let the structure in that stuff speak for its self. what you pay for a fantastic vintage piece of clothing will be worth every penny.


Alternatively you can lean to sew! Even make nice with other chicks who are crafty bitches. Heck you can even find people on etsy willing to sew you something that will fit your body.


Don't be afraid to get something ugly on the cheap either! If it fits and you like something about it; alter it and accessorize till you like what you see.


Kisses!
Raven

Thrifting.. the clothing gold mine.

Well my dears it is a fact that i'm a cheap bitch, And proud of it. My mom taught me to be a bargain shopper at a young age. It has done me a great service over the years.


I don't like spending a lot of my hard earned dollars on shitty, ugly, badly made clothes, that seem to be in abundance for us fats. So my fun alternative is thrifting. Yes my local savers, thrift town, salvation army, goodwill, along with a slew of other places are all my playground for fun and interesting clothes.


I look at it like this.. I'd rather spend 5 dollars on something that I can get a few wears out of, than say $60 on something that might only survive one wear *cough* new torrid *cough*.


I also love that there are so many good places to find stuff online. If you don't know about fatshionxchange or the curvy_exchange over on Live journal where have you been for the last few years?? In to steam punk? yeah there is a plus size steampunk community too.


Did you know that there is a cool place called goth auctions? they have a whole plus size section! and if your religious about checking it you can find some killer stuff. Vintage torrid polka dot dress for $12 anyone?? yeah thought so.


The goodwill  has an online auction site full of clothes, accessories, shoes, along with house stuff, and even some great jewelry.


Other online resources are within bigger chat and forum communities. I know that if you belong to a fetish community website that has groups for say; bbws and their admirers, or fabulous curvy chicks, you can find may a curvy lady trying to part out her wardrobe.


Of corse the classic standby being ebay. If you a fat chick and never shopped on ebay you don't know what your missing. and i'll just guess you might be amish. That explains why you haven't been, what with the no internets.


The new big thing is local clothing swaps for the big girls. One just happened in san francisco, I hear it was a smash success. Sadly I didn't make to the event but damn if i didn't want to. Who doesn't want to get free clothes, meet cool people and eat cupcakes? I know I DO!


All I can say is talk to other people who are wearing amazing clothes. Who doesn't love a random compliment from a stranger? "Oh wow! I love your Dress! where did you get it?!?" then you start a conversation about clothes, where you shop and share information. 
I share with you, you share with me. since I am a firm believer in spreading the clothing/fashion wealth! 


And that is my parting of some wisdom on the used fatshion front.


Me and my awesome thrifted dress are going to go mail off some of my used clothes to other lovely ladies.


Kisses bitches!
Raven

a rant on fatshion.

Why oh why must cute clothes not have proper fit for a plus size?
when I say fit i don't mean it in a size sense so much as a fit as in tailoring.
I am beyond sick of buying clothes that have no real fit nor flair to flatter my curves. even regular women's clothes seem to have strayed from a more fit look. and i've got to say off the rack clothes are down right frumpy looking. Structure is important!!

I am a fortunate soul who loves to sew and is somewhat good at it. However I have a very difficult time spending upwards of $70 on a dress(not to mention the $50 for a top.. a top that has less than 2 yards of fabric), that I then have to alter the shit out of to make it cute for my body. or worse have to add to it to make it a fashion do, rather than a fashion "OMG you look like crap, don't you own a mirror?!?".

add to that the fact that the fashion industry not only hates fat chicks.. it also feels the need to gouge prices.. or make things in god awful prints...or ewww poly knit.. or any sort of knit fabric that clings un-lovingly to bits that need not have things clung to it.. 
while we are on the fabric content thing, whatever happened to good old cotton? or even natural based fabrics, you know the stuff that breathes, and can keep you warm and cool??? (not that I don't love my vinyl and once and a while latex.. but not everyday.)
and can you say shoddy fabric offerings??? and bad construction. I ordered a dress from B&lu.com and literally wore it for 10 minutes and the damn strap broke!! I wasn't even doing anything other than standing in the laundry room talking to my friend as he moved his clothes from the washer and the dryer. If you ask me that constitutes bad construction and poor fabrics. 

I put major effort into looking cute and finding clothes that work for me, i'd dig a little help when it comes to options. I also feel that the mass public of chubby chicks who might not have the ability to do the same as me should have a little help. since how can anyone expect us to look good when there is sooo much bad fashion out there marketed to us?

Oh and fashion industry incase your reading, just because my ass is semi-big doesn't mean i'm tall!! If i have to hem another pair of pants due to them getting longer as they get big, I might just sew my finger together. Oh and my legs didn't get bigger as the pants got larger either. no one should have to take off 6 inches ( i wish i was kidding) of pant leg to make it look like i have legs and a cute butt in the pants.

Oh and all that cool alternative clothing that is out there, START MAKING BIGGER SIZES!!! at minimum sell patterns so us crafty bitches can sew something awesome too! 


And at this juncture i'd like to extend a hearty FUCK YOU to torrid who once (a long time ago) had fun, funky clothes that were well made, comfortable, unique and awesome, what the fuck happened??? what happened to quality, value, and variety of styles? Where did the rockabilly, punk, club/rave wear go??? You do know we aren't all pink loving divas out here ( i like to think the bbw kink community is all nodding in semi agreement).
Want to see two fat girls of a similar size get in to a fight? drop a peice of vintage torrid wear in between them and watch how they go at it. Hell do it the easy way and watch an ebay auction over that shit. Yeah we are brutal when it comes to that shit.

Earth to torrid.. psst .. *whispers* come here i wanna tell you something... You were doing something right. Why oh why go tell your customers to fuck off and wear horrible clothes that make you look like everyone else... when clearly some of us like that we aren't cookie cutter chicks? Aren't there enough places that make plus size crap that is "normal"? wasn't your niche for the alternative set?? hmm I think it was. (yeah i'm still bitter about this). Diva style my ass.


kisses!
Raven

And we're off..

Hey there,
So for my first post I'm going to give you a peek at me. With  this peek I hope you'll grow to enjoy my humor (read snark and sarcasm), and come back for more.

I'm short at 5 feet four inches tall. now that might not sound short to you but throw about 250+ pounds on that frame and you have a short fat chick, who wears glasses and swears like a sailor. I'm heavily tattooed, and starting to get piercings, after many years of rejecting the thought of them.

So there you have it I'm short and fat. Oh and don't fit in to the mold of trying to hide the fact that I'm fat. I am  comfortable in my own skin 95% of the time, and that other 5% is reserved for when I'm sleeping or dealing with the mass populations negative outlook on fat girls.

Before I go off in that direction, I love music, and I prefer it live, loud and preferably over multiple nights. I drink, smoke, swear (mentioned that above),  am in general a bad influence on adolescents both boy and girls. Despite all that I like dogs (especially mine), some cats, I love my adopted goldfish, I bake yummy things, I sew fairly well, I take photos of almost everything, I travel a lot, and have a fairly entertaining outlook on life, and I speak my mind.

I shop a lot for fun cool stylish clothes, and as a fat girl trying to do this, that is an adventure. I'll share with you where I go, what I found, and how you can get it, or make it on the cheap.  After all if you want to look good you have to work for it! added bonus I have a style as eclectic as my music tastes, so odds are something I wear will work for someone else.

I'm going to wrap this up my saying the grammar and spelling police can kiss my ass. I try to keep spelling errors to a minimum. However if you have nothing better to do that correct my syntax and grammar, you need to go get a life and have a stiff drink and or a smoke. While sipping your adult beverage/ having a relaxing smoke,  you should then ponder what a giant asshole you were/are, then take a deep breath and relax, you're taking life to seriously!  that my friend will kill you faster than anything.

Hope to see you all again soon!
Raven