Angry and not going to be quiet about it.

So last night I had this interesting situation come up. It goes like this:

My guy's ex-girlfriend Jill* (they are still on good terms friendship wise) asked if I would mend some clothing for her, I said no problem. She is chronically late for everything. So when she called two days ago to say she was stopping by, it took her till last night to show up. 

I had made dinner for my guy and I per usual. Jill shows up later than expected (she called to say she would be here in 20 minutes) 2 hours later she shows up. Then asks to have some of our dinner since she is hungry, and me being the good host says 'yeah help your self'. 

We the proceed to my sewing room to fix her stuff. we chat while I sew about all manner of idle nothing. I finish her stuff in less than 15 minutes. 

She stays around for a while talking. Some how in the conversation we started talking about my sister, and how different her and I are. Jill then proceeds to ask if my sister and I look alike and I say "No; my sister looks like our mother. I look like our dad. It's scary how much I look like him" And no shit, she responds with 'guess you have to make the tranny look work for you.' she then laughs. I was floored by her crass comment, to the point I didn't even know what to say to her. Not more than a minute after that she left. (I'm going to say right now I have lots of love and respect for the trans population. there are some very attractive transgender folk out there. However she didn't mean the comment in a positive way)

The rest of the evening I was in a foul mood trying to deal with her comment. I didn't sleep well and was beyond angry at her. In my head I keep doing the math: come in to my home + ask for a favor of me + eat the meal I prepared + then say something that fucked up to me?!? = What the fuck!!

I broke it down further; I don't like the shred of femininity I have and hold near and dear to be stripped away from me. Much less by someone like Jill. 

Long ago I came to terms with that I am not a very attractive girl. I'm not butt fucking ugly but i'm not exactly a looker either. I'm perfectly happy to be not so pretty, 'cause I have an awesome personality. 

But to have someone, another woman to boot, say something like that to me.. pissed me off beyond all reason. My guy doesn't get why I am so angry, this too annoys the crap out of me. I did try to explain it but he still doesn't get it, oh well he is male I don't expect him to feel my pain.

Maybe I'm over reacting. Maybe I am holding on to too many rude comments from the past. I don't know if this feeling of rage is justified. I know last night I would have done all manner of mean and nasty thing to express my anger and hurt. Today I still would like too still, but I don't know if I am just being overly sensitive. 

I  suppose the end of this is, I really don't like other women. I hate the shitty comments, the catty attitude, the whole girls are evil bitches. all of them are bat shit crazy. Personally I want no part of it. there is no sisterly bond with other women, no camaraderie, no understanding or tact. Women are rude fucking hypocrites. And that is a combination I have a hard time dealing with. 

(yes, this is a sweeping generalization and I am sure there are plenty of perfectly nice people out there that happen to be female, but i'm talking about the female population from a jaded, cynical stand point. Why? because i'm angry and hurt by all the females i have interacted with, that have disappointed me on a basic human decency level. Yes, men piss me off just as much but for different reasons. men interact on a completely different system than women. and until i see men doing the petty back bitting catty shit, that i see most women do, i think i'll stick to being with the boys.)

Bottom line all people need to learn some damn manners, and think before they speak.

Angry & pissed off,

Raven 

sewing freak!

Aloha!
I've yet again been in a mental lock up, due to tons of moving drama the last 4 weekends in a row.
Now that all that bullshit is over I'm back to my normal plucky self.

I was dog sitting for my parents. I love my dogs so it was a nice visit with my furry siblings. nothing makes me feel better than getting to lay around the house with my two girls.
Kai our smaller mutt dog (although not a small dog by any stretch of the imagination), likes to cuddle up on the couch with me while I read, and she acutely watches TV if it's on. Annie our giant newfoundland is happy just being in the same room on the floor near by, she is a cuddle drool monster. I love her, and lucky for me she had a bath before I came over so she didn't smell like dirty pond water for once. all and all was a good break from my normal routine.

I stayed a day longer than planned so I could go with my other sister (non furry variety) to her tattoo appointment.  She chose to see my tattoo artist this time, and since I consider my tattoo artist a very good friend I'm always willing to go hang out and chat with him. Added bonus of seeing my older sister writhe around in pain for a few hours (i see it as karma for all the years she did mean things to me growing up).


Now that I'm back home I have a pile of sewing projects to work on. My friends cousin came over with a suit jacket that needed to be tailored. So I fit him yesterday and started the markings and taking out the seams. I got distracted by a pitcher of margaritas so i'll be finishing that up today.
My guys ex called me with some stuff she needs mended. So I will have a bag off stuff to do small fixes to as well.
To top off the sewing mess I remembered that I have a dress I never got around to finishing, so that is on the agenda as well. I need to find green seam binding. and a fun contrasting fabric to make it look all spiffy.
Lastly on a trip to the fabric store my guy and i found some super soft tiger fabric, he wants a hoodie with ears for burning man. I have a coupon so I guess i'll go get that asap.

I have a new vintage pattern I want to give a whirl as well. looks like my spiffy sewing machine (thanks mom!) is going to get a work out over the next few days.

A crafty bitches work is never done!

Raven

vintage dress jackpot!

Yesterday started off with a huge bang! I got a bunch of the vintage dresses I ordered in my fit on vintage weakness two weeks ago. Yes the arrived safe and sound on the door step much to my pleasure.
 I haven't had the chance to get photos of me in them yet so you will have to suffer through photos of them on hangers!

This is navy blue and awesome! Look at the red piping and adorable red buttons! Talk about your hem pattern love. I can't believe this still had tags on it. seriously! Super added bonus: it has pockets! I love any dress with pockets. Oh and the straps are adjustable, how special is that!

This is a hand made dress, in purple gingham. I spent two hours yesterday hand bleaching this vintage house dress back to its normal intended color. If your a vintage clothing person you may know how some people didn't care for their clothes as much as others. this one was dingy yellow on top due to wear. after a round of washing I then took Q-tips dipped in bleach to the damp fabric. The dress came back to life!

Did you catch the cream pleat lines on this baby?  what about the cute button accents on the shoulder? This is a black crape dream! Light weight but all classy. I really like the way the dress hangs on me too! stunning. has a 40's feel to it.

Ahh the classic wrap dress.
If you don't own one, you darn well should! Go get one now!

This lovely has a neat white pattern on it that reminds me of dandelions. Again a nice light summer weight dress.
I'm going to need to alter the collar and facing since they don't want to stay where they belong. Other than that this dress is mint.

Copper colored heaven!
I dig this dress on so many levels. Nice fabric, and the neck accent is so different.  My guy says the color is great on me that I don't look so pale (if that is even possible).
Comes to a nice tea length on me, but I'm short so not too difficult.

I call this the lil green house dress.
Hand made. Button front with pockets, what more could I ask for. Sadly this one needs some mending. and it doesn't fit my chest properly. So I'm going to fix it up and figure out what to do with it later.












Well thats just a few of the dresses I bought. More still haven't showed up yet, but once they do i'll be sure to show them off too. Of the batch of dresses I just got, I love the navy blue floral one best! I know I will be wearing that one a whole lot from now on.


Kisses!
Raven

In the news

Yesterday Blogger was down so I didn't get a chance to write about two "fat in the news" articles I read.


Article one was about how Chelsea Handler is fat bashing Kirstie Alley. It got my dander up, aren't we all adults? Must we be mean and petty and pick on one another? Is it really necessary to use her weight as the target when there are other things to say something about. *cough* scientology *cough *
I'm curious why Chelsea Handler feels Kirstie is a threat to her, enough so that she needs to make jabs at Kirstie? I get that as women we are catty and fucked up to one another on the age old basis of: other women = competition, but really this is stupid. 
I remember a few years ago cosmo or glamor magazine wrote some nasty tid bit about Kirstie Alley and her weight; in return I sent them and email scolding them for being play ground bullies vs. a fashion magazine for the brain dead masses. That aside I think it just goes to show how far the whole "size issue" really is the last form of acceptable discrimination. It's not just in everyday privet life, but in the mass media as well. Yes make a fat joke get a laugh, har har, GROW UP!


Second Story is the same thing only less celebrities (sort of), This is about yet another miss step by Southwest Airlines kicking someone fat off a flight, and publicly humiliating them to boot.. Tiggeman T.F.T.F. southwest. When will this airline do the right thing and teach their gate staff not to be total dicks?! This poor woman and her mother were made to feel less than human. It is beyond wrong what southwest did, and how they handled the situation makes me want to puke.
The Article sites Director Kevin Smith's similar issue that happened last year (there is your celebrity connection) Who coined the phrase 'Tf Tf' in his later Smod cast on the issue. You would think that after all the negative press southwest keeps getting over this, they would learn that the media eats these stories up. Being that I travel a whole lot I am always scared that I too will get kicked off a flight for my chubby butt. I am lucky though most of the time it has never been an issue. 


However once when I was flying to L.A. I had a man sitting next to me whom treated me like I had the plague due to my size (odd as I was only about a size 20 back when this happened). I had taken my assigned seat, put my head phones on but didn't have my CD player on yet, had my book open on my lap and was starting to read; this man walks up looks at me makes an exasperated sigh then sits down to let other passengers by to take their seats.(Now i fit perfectly in my seat no problem with room to spare) I'm going to guess he figured I had music playing and couldn't hear him, because soon as a flight attendant walked near us he flagged her down and asked to be reseated, "I don't want to sit next to someone who might encroach on my space, can you find me a different seat?" The flight attendant glanced at me, shrugged he shoulders and said that they were about to push back so he would have to wait. He seemed flustered but nodded at her. After a few moments the last of the passengers were on the plane, the captain came over the speaker system saying because the flight wasn't very full that we had a weight balance issue, so if people would like to find other seats further back in the plane please do so now to we can take off with better weight distribution. I have never seen anyone get up and move away from me so fast in my life! The man for up and almost sprinted away from me. Clearly this had a lasting impression, lucky for me I'm not sure many people over heard the conversation. Despite that it hurt me anyway.


All I can say to both of these stories is if you a bigger person: Do not let others police your body. Do not simply let people think it is okay to treat you badly based on nothing more than your size. Bullies come in all shapes, sizes and ages. Being big does not mean you don't have the same rights as everyone else! Stand up for your self and your dignity when faced with bad treatment, no matter the situation. And if all else fails talk about it with the right people, and you can show the world what assholes the people who treat you like crap really are.


Fight!!
Raven

It's an addiction I swear!

Oh I have been a naughty naughty girl! I just went on a vintage dress buying binge.

I know, so horrible of me. I've been trying to keep to just buying vintage patterns and making my own dresses.. but with yesterdays epic fail on the transfer paper front, I needed to do something to distract me. And I freely admit I was weak and went to the internets to look at vintage patterns... and wouldn't you know it you search for vintage dress xxl and you get more than just patterns..

Yeah I found 3 dresses that I bought. I did however contain myself enough that I didn't buy the other 30 or so dresses I saw that were also drool worthy! So yay for the small victory. I also kept my spending under $80, a miracle all on its own. I'll also justify this relapse in vintage wear buying, by saying two of the dresses were hand made.

The internets is an evil place full of fabulous vintage clothing... I can't help myself. *hangs head in shame; but mostly to hide the smirk*

What did I do before google? I swear that search is the best/worst thing to happen to my vintage addiction.
On the good side I find new cool places to shop on a regular basis, this round I'm happy to say Hatfeathers vintage now rocks my socks. very cool site indeed, what with the fat girl love. Follow them on facebook to keep up to date with their wears!
secondly: old-clothes.com is on killer site! super fat girl love on the sizes, i'm gushing with all kinds of vintage warm fuzzies.
thirdly: that girl vintage boutique, again with they chub fashions ala vintage. and good prices too! My fall backs are always Ebay and Etsy. but it's nice finding smaller places who have good stuff.

You know you want to see the dresses once they get here don't lie!
Well i'm off to detox for a few hours away from the sway of vintage clothing.

Kisses!
Raven

Shopping and the feeling you don't belong.

This Sunday I braved a local mall to help a chick friend of mine find structure undergarments. In fat girl speak we were looking for the all popular spanx, the things you wear over your undies and under a dress to suck you in and look slimier.

My friend is between sizes (12-14) so we had the opportunity to go to a few normal size stores so she could look for things. While in a Jcpenny's intimate apparel department looking at different choices I noticed a whole rack of these suction garments labeled under the name "no fat shopping". I wish the camera on my phone worked so I could show you the tag.
I almost screamed in frustration at the stupid marketing that stores seem to have. Like these magical things will somehow constrict you body so far it will appear there is no fat on you. PLEASE! I was seriously offended.
I am all for wanting clothes to hang properly and look their best on me, but to go so far as what that tag said is just shameful.

Since we didn't find exactly what she was looking for at penny's we wandered back in to the mall. Naturally  torrid whom had the real brand of spanx. She found a pair that fit her and was happy with the way it looked under the dress she is wearing to a friends wedding.
While I do have issues with Torrid for their lack of style options, the bad quality of the clothes they offer at the  high prices they charge; I will say that the staff they hire is always very helpful and polite. In an age where customer service seems to be falling by the way side, it is refreshing to see one store doing right by its customers.

This brings me to my friends hunt for a bra.. She didn't realize she could have looked at torrid since they carry her size (38c), we went to Fredrick's of hollywood. Talk about rude service! They told her that they don't carry her size (cause magically 38C isn't a normal size?)  and would help her look through the racks to confirm this (she buys bras from the store normally so she knew they were full of crap). I did however look and found her several options. Nothing but lazy rude service all they way. At least she didn't get told she has to shop at their online store to purchase their goods, like I have been told in the past.

I find going to the mall to be exhausting mentally. I don't like the treatment I get in most stores, even if I'm just there with a friend. I know the sales people are trying to figure out how to tell me they don't carry my size (this really did happen in H&M; Was waiting for a friend to try clothes on, browsing the racks for more things for her. I had and employee come tell me that the arm full of things I had wouldn't fit me. Like no shit I don't wear a size large, they aren't for me! I really wanted to ask why they don't carry they BIB line that europe has; but then I remembered that this sales person is but a peon.)

As my friend and I left the mall she was telling me how she receives horrible service every time she goes to buy bras, no matter what store she goes into. She says she is getting a complex about her size; It wasn't helpful but I couldn't help but laugh, since I'm about 10 sizes bigger than her.

All I got to say is if your going to work retail, remember that the customer is who put money in your pay check. Don't discriminate against a person, because you don't think they belong in your store. Bottom line nicer you are to me the more likely I'll be spending money at your store. And you piss off one fat girl you piss off a lot of us. 'cause us fatties, yeah we all talk to one another.

Kisses!
Raven

Happy International No Diet Day!

Ahh yes lets all celebrate not buying in to the whole diet horror!

For those of my readers who might not ever been on a diet, lucky you! And now to the rest of us who have suffered through, bad food, hunger, and all the nasty yo yo weight fluctuations; a hearty WOO HOO!

I have a firm belief that diets are the worst things you can do to your body. Hunger is not the key to being healthy nor to loosing weight.

The diet industry is just that in industry, it is a faceless monster, money hungry before all else.. Sadly it's one that really kills people.
I don't know the exact numbers of people who have died to be thin but the numbers are too large for my comfort. The Idea of being able to not just restrict what you eat and exercise, but pop a pill and be loose weight is a lie. One that too many people rush off to do. A last ditch effort to conform to what society says you need to look like. Oh and not all of those magic pills haven't been tested to work or be safe.

Then there is the medical 'weight loss miracle' of lap band and gastric bypass. More lies and deaths. Now while These things do work for some people and have improved the quality of life for some; it isn't the cure it all for the mass overweight population. You might not see as much coverage of the people who have been failed by these things, but they are out there. Suffering more now than when they were simply just fat. Worse for wear after putting their bodies through a large medical procedure, and then the subsequent mental distress of not only a failed surgery but the way their medical professionals treat them. Told over and over again it must be something they are doing to make this procedure fail. Wrong on sooo many levels.

The Fact of the matter is not just the overweight are dying to be thin. There is a whole community of people who are already at a healthy weight who want to loose weight too. On the polar extreme of overweight you have people who believe its not enough to be 'skinny', these poor people believe that  being anorexic and bulimic are the answer. Huge communities of mostly young girls hating themselves and truly starving themselves to fit in and be smaller. Again the whole stigma of what it means to be fat scaring people in to starvation.

So today I celebrate not only not buying in to the whole diet lie, but how much I love my own body that I don't want or need these things to be a complete, or valuable person.

I'm gonna go sew a dress and be happy with who I am.

I vow never to let society tell me how I should look, that I am not worthy of things just because of my size, I refuse to let doctors treat me like an inferior person because they can't look past my BMI, I will not let men or women's judgements of me stop me from living and loving others, I will also look people in the eye when they bully me or others due to our size and tell them they are not only rude but closed minded bigots. But most of all I vow to never self hate.

Feel good about yourself and what you do with your body. don't let someone else tell you what is right for you, or how you need to be!

Love and kisses,
Raven