My guy's ex-girlfriend Jill* (they are still on good terms friendship wise) asked if I would mend some clothing for her, I said no problem. She is chronically late for everything. So when she called two days ago to say she was stopping by, it took her till last night to show up.
I had made dinner for my guy and I per usual. Jill shows up later than expected (she called to say she would be here in 20 minutes) 2 hours later she shows up. Then asks to have some of our dinner since she is hungry, and me being the good host says 'yeah help your self'.
We the proceed to my sewing room to fix her stuff. we chat while I sew about all manner of idle nothing. I finish her stuff in less than 15 minutes.
She stays around for a while talking. Some how in the conversation we started talking about my sister, and how different her and I are. Jill then proceeds to ask if my sister and I look alike and I say "No; my sister looks like our mother. I look like our dad. It's scary how much I look like him" And no shit, she responds with 'guess you have to make the tranny look work for you.' she then laughs. I was floored by her crass comment, to the point I didn't even know what to say to her. Not more than a minute after that she left. (I'm going to say right now I have lots of love and respect for the trans population. there are some very attractive transgender folk out there. However she didn't mean the comment in a positive way)
The rest of the evening I was in a foul mood trying to deal with her comment. I didn't sleep well and was beyond angry at her. In my head I keep doing the math: come in to my home + ask for a favor of me + eat the meal I prepared + then say something that fucked up to me?!? = What the fuck!!
I broke it down further; I don't like the shred of femininity I have and hold near and dear to be stripped away from me. Much less by someone like Jill.
Long ago I came to terms with that I am not a very attractive girl. I'm not butt fucking ugly but i'm not exactly a looker either. I'm perfectly happy to be not so pretty, 'cause I have an awesome personality.
But to have someone, another woman to boot, say something like that to me.. pissed me off beyond all reason. My guy doesn't get why I am so angry, this too annoys the crap out of me. I did try to explain it but he still doesn't get it, oh well he is male I don't expect him to feel my pain.
Maybe I'm over reacting. Maybe I am holding on to too many rude comments from the past. I don't know if this feeling of rage is justified. I know last night I would have done all manner of mean and nasty thing to express my anger and hurt. Today I still would like too still, but I don't know if I am just being overly sensitive.
I suppose the end of this is, I really don't like other women. I hate the shitty comments, the catty attitude, the whole girls are evil bitches. all of them are bat shit crazy. Personally I want no part of it. there is no sisterly bond with other women, no camaraderie, no understanding or tact. Women are rude fucking hypocrites. And that is a combination I have a hard time dealing with.
(yes, this is a sweeping generalization and I am sure there are plenty of perfectly nice people out there that happen to be female, but i'm talking about the female population from a jaded, cynical stand point. Why? because i'm angry and hurt by all the females i have interacted with, that have disappointed me on a basic human decency level. Yes, men piss me off just as much but for different reasons. men interact on a completely different system than women. and until i see men doing the petty back bitting catty shit, that i see most women do, i think i'll stick to being with the boys.)
Bottom line all people need to learn some damn manners, and think before they speak.
Angry & pissed off,
Raven
